


Touch

by Dreamshaper



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Angst, Erin has a gift, F/F, and fluff, and got bigger, and hurt/comfort, not sure how many more chapters XD, now with mutual pining, this started out as a one-shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-08-27 01:51:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16693129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/pseuds/Dreamshaper
Summary: All her life, Erin has had a gift, one she's kept secret for most of it. When she reunites with Abby and the Ghostbusters are formed, her gift might help... or do harm.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is very loosely inspired by the gift Theo Crain has in The Haunting of Hill House, but has nothing to do with the show itself :) I hope you'll enjoy it!

Sometimes, Erin wonders if the strange gift she has is something which has been given to her by the ghost which haunted her bedroom every night for a year, or if she’d have it even without that traumatic part of her life, if perhaps, the gift had been what had attracted the ghost in the first place.

Sometimes, she also wonders if it’s a curse, not a gift, but she knows that she won’t get an answer to either of these questions.

She doesn’t know whom to ask, anyway, whenever she’s told anyone, they never believed her - she told her parents, about the ghost and the gift, and they didn’t believe her, they sent her to therapy instead.

So she told the therapist, about both the ghost and the gift, and the therapist didn’t believe her, either; not even when she tried to prove it, anyone believed her, they said it was a lucky guess or that she just had a talent for reading people.

And so, she stopped telling people, and told her parents what they wanted to hear, that she made it all up for attention; and she avoided touching people, it could be unpleasant with objects too, but it was always worse with people.

When she moved out of home to go to college, she started wearing thin leather gloves at all times, cause that made it better, it stopped the images and the feelings, and at college, nobody thought twice why she’d wear gloves even in summer. 

Abby questioned it, sometimes, Erin knew, Abby was her only friend and the only one who didn’t buy the excuse she gave whenever someone asked her - “I got sensitive skin”, she’d use to say, and after a while, Abby began eying her strangely whenever she said this, but never questioned her, not in front of others where it would humiliate her and make her seem like a liar.

Then Erin abandoned Abby, before their interview about their book, abandoned her only friend, and fled to New York, and people there cared even less about a woman wearing gloves all the time. 

She could tell her that her colleagues at Columbia thought it was weird when she started there, and that it might be a risk for her job, for her tenure; she’s good at what she does though, one of the best in her field actually, and so, after a while, the dean apparently decided to ignore the gloves, and nobody said anything about them to her anymore.

They all bought the “sensitive skin” excuse, it made her a bit of an outcast, but she’s used to that, so she doesn’t care.

As she sits in her office now and stares at her computer screen, hands sweating despite how thin the gloves are, she knows that  _ this  _ won’t be overlooked.

She doesn’t know how long she has been sitting there like this, staring at the screen in shock, almost horror, but it has been a while, and she’s so struck by what Amazon has on offer that she doesn’t even notice Dean Filmore enter until he says her name. 

She manages to hide the page from him, and that’s a relief, but Erin knows that sooner or later, he’ll find it, she’s up for tenure now and who knows what they look up when they do their background checks for this, and then they will find.

And not only will she not get tenure then, she might be fired, too, and this just can’t happen, not after how hard she has worked for this… and so, she grabs her purse and hastily exists her office, the thought of confronting Abby makes her stomach turn, but she knows she has to, and so, she heads out, to the college where Abby apparently works now.

She doesn’t know it will happen when she hails a cab, but her life is going to change, and it will get so much better. 

At first, she doesn’t realize that she’s on track to a much better life, Abby isn’t exactly welcoming her with open arms and Abby’s strange colleague seems to get pleasure from getting under Erin’s skin, but then they see a ghost, an actual ghost, they capture it on camera and everything, and after that, everything happens very fast.

Filmore fires her, and that hurts, but she finds a new lab with Abby and Holtzmann - Holtzmann is still weird, but at this point, Erin doesn’t take it personally anymore, she’s realized that this is just how Holtzmann  _ is _ , with everyone, and not just with her - and then Patty joins them, and before she manages to fully wrap her head around it, they are testing equipment to actually capture and / or destroy ghosts, and Patty gets them coveralls so they look like a professional team.

Holtzmann adds gloves to that look, for practical reasons she says there are, but doesn’t reveal, and for aesthetics; they are fingerless though, and so, Erin gathers all her courage and asks Holtzmann for some which aren’t, which will cover all of her fingers, and she’s sure that now, the questions will start, Holtzmann is weird herself, but not even someone as eccentric as the engineer will just take this without asking what is going on.

Holtzmann just nods and tells her no problem, and gives her gloves which are not fingerless, and doesn’t ask.

Abby notices this exchange, and eyes her gloves the way she has when Erin came to the old lab to yell at her, but she doesn’t say anything, either, and for the first time in years Erin feels accepted and as if she has true friends at last, and this nearly makes her tear up.

There’s not much time for emotion though, not when an apocalypse is threatening to take over the world; but they manage to stop it, with Holtzmann’s gear and all their efforts combined, they manage to stop it, and then they get official funding from the mayor and move to a bigger lab in a former firehouse, and only when they’ve settled in there, things calm down a bit and Erin finally has time to think, to breathe.

She finds herself sitting in the relax area at the ground floor, technically there is work to do, but she just wants a minute to relax; and before that minute has passed, Abby finds her and sits down next to her, with a pointed look at the gloves, and all at once, Erin knows that now, she’ll ask, after all these years, Abby will finally ask.

“Still sensitive skin?” is what Abby says, and Erin realizes immediately what Abby is doing.

She’s giving her a way out, an option to hide the truth, to keep up the excuse for why she wears gloves all the time.

She’s giving her an option to lie, and suddenly, Erin doesn’t want to lie anymore, they catch ghosts for a living, so her gift shouldn’t seem so far-fetched anymore, and she wants to tell the truth, for the first time in more than thirty years, she wants to tell the truth. 

“It’s not”, she says, before she can think about it and stop herself, “it… it never has been. I… God, you’ll think I’m crazy.”

“We hunt ghosts for a living”, Abby replies, as if she has read Erin’s mind, “we are actual, government funded Ghostbusters. And I’ve been working for years with an eccentric genius who dances with blowtorches. Try me.”

“It’s… a gift”, Erin says after a moment, now finding it hard to look Abby in the eye, and so, she stares down at her gloves instead, “sort of. Maybe. I… when I touch things, or people, skin to skin, I… feel things. And see things.”

Abby doesn’t say anything, just looks at her, Erin can feel her stare even though she’s still looking at her hands, and she can’t bring herself to look up, too afraid of what she will see in Abby’s eyes.

“The gloves stop it”, she says, a slight waver in her voice now, just enough to let it be noticeable, “it only works skin to skin. Or skin to object. One time I… I touched a guy’s backpack on the subway and… the things he was thinking of, it was… it was not pleasant.”

She does look up now, and Abby is still just looking at her; and just when Erin starts to regret that she has said anything, that she has told the truth about this for once, Abby does she speak up, and Erin doesn’t need to touch her skin to skin to know what she feels. 

“You didn’t tell me”, Abby says, and the hurt in her voice makes Erin’s heart hurt, too, “you never told me that. I never knew… Erin, Jesus, you’ve kept this secret all your life?”

“Since therapy”, Erin tells her, voice barely above a whisper now, “no one believed me. My therapist said I imagined it, my parents said the same, and so I… just agreed with them. And wore gloves, and told myself it’s okay.”

“I believe you”, Abby says, and all at once Erin feels like crying again, from relief this time though, “I would have believed you back then, and I believe you now. You don’t have to keep this secret anymore.”

And then, she hugs Erin, and holds her close and rubs her back, and now Erin does cry, sobbing as she returns the embrace and hugs Abby tight, and for the first time in years, she feels like she’s come home.


	2. Chapter 2

They settle into a comfortable routine after the move to the firehouse, and as Erin relaxes more and more, and gains more and more confidence, she begins to realize that something within her is changing. 

It’s nothing bad, she knows, no unpleasant feelings; her friendship with Patty grows, and her friendship with Abby is as it was back in high school and college, before she abandoned her, and these things aren’t changing.

What is changing is what she feels for Holtzmann, and Erin isn’t quite sure what to think of this.

Holtzmann was a colleague at first, then became a friend, once Erin has realized that Holtzmann just is that weird and that it’s not an act; and being friends with her is fine, being friends is great, she hasn’t had many true friends in her life and now, she’s friends with an actual genius, and it’s amazing, but…

But.

But lately, when she looks at Holtzmann, Erin isn’t sure anymore if she can see her as just a friend.

Holtzmann is attractive, Erin knows, anyone with eyes can see that, she makes things work which would look ridiculous on anyone else, and makes them not only work, but look  _ good _ ; she knows that, among the fans they have - and that they have actual fans is quite mind-blowing, too - Holtzmann is most popular among the younger women, and she can’t blame them for that.

It is the first time though that she sees another woman as actually attractive, and she’s not sure what this means - with her gift, she’s made a habit of not getting too close to people, it was hardly ever pleasant when she touched them skin to skin and felt their emotions, but whenever she did get close to someone, it has been a man, so this is very new for her, very new and frightening.

She’s not sure what to do about this, if she should do anything about it - Holtzmann is attractive, and brilliant, and certainly, she wouldn’t have an interest in someone like her anyway, Erin reasons to herself, Holtzmann can practically walk outside and get a date within five minutes, so there’s no logical reason why she would be interested in Erin, odd and awkward Erin with her gloves and her weird habits.

Holtzmann flirts with her, yes, but Erin tells herself she doesn’t mean it, that it’s just for fun, that Holtzmann can never be serious about this and will probably laugh at her if she’d try to make a move.

And so, Erin tells herself that it’s just a silly little crush, and that it will go away after a while; and for a bit, she even manages to believe herself.

Then she catches herself staring at Holtzmann more and more, and sometimes she even  _ sighs _ , like a lovestruck teenager, and no matter how often Erin tells herself to stop this ridiculous behaviour, she finds herself doing it again and again, unable to help herself. 

She tries to stop herself, but she can’t… and she’s so busy trying to regain control over these feelings that she doesn’t notice they are not quite as one-sided as she thinks.

As often as Erin watches Holtzmann when the engineer is busy and focused on her work, Holtzmann is watching Erin when it’s the other way round, always making sure that the physicist never notices. 

She doesn’t sigh like Erin, but her gaze softens and she sometimes smiles to herself when Erin is highly concentrated, staring at her whiteboard or her laptop with an intensity which might have been frightening to anyone else, but is fascinating and alluring to Holtzmann; Abby has let her read the book, shortly after they started working together, and already back then, Holtzmann has been intrigued, even fascinated, by this woman’s mind. 

Now she can see this mind in action, and it only fascinates her more.

She knows that Erin is brilliant, and Abby and Patty know, too; she’s not quite sure Erin herself knows though, and she wishes that she’d find a way to make Erin see.

Part of her also wants to make Erin see how deeply she feels for her, that the flirting isn’t just fun and games, that Holtzmann means it; she’s aware that she has many female fans out there, but she hasn’t done as much as look at another woman ever since Erin Gilbert has entered her life.

Another part of her is afraid of making Erin see though, afraid of telling her; she’s scared of what will happen if Erin doesn’t feel the same way - and Holtzmann is all too aware that this is a very likely scenario, as far as she knows, Erin is straight as a board, and even if she isn’t, Holtzmann can’t see how she could be interested in someone like her.

She knows that she is eccentric, weird, too loud or just too much sometimes; she often says things which are inappropriate, she has little to no impulse control, and even if she wasn’t all these things, even if she’d be more normal, she’s pretty sure Erin wouldn’t be interested. 

She’s pretty sure Erin won’t be interested, but that doesn’t stop her from showing her own interest, in a myriad of ways - but all of them designed so that she can play it off if Erin ever asks her and appears like the idea of Holtzmann being attracted to her - being in love with her - freaks her out.

Whenever there’s new weapons to test, Holtzmann lets Erin choose first, and lets her have the first go at the new equipment; whenever Holtz goes out for a coffee run, she makes sure to bring a cinnamon roll for Erin, because she quickly learned the physicist loves them, and whenever they go out for drinks after a successful bust, she always asks Erin first what she wants. 

Every time Holtzmann does something like this, she wonders if the others notice why she does it - she’s pretty sure Patty does, because Patty sometimes gives her a  _ look _ , and she wonders if Abby does, too, because while Abby doesn’t look at her the way Patty does, but sometimes, she does raise an eyebrow, and sometimes, she looks the same way at Erin, and Holtzmann wonders what it means.

She doesn’t dare ask Abby though, because she’s scared, so scared, that Abby will tell her that she better cut it out, that Erin is completely straight and that she doesn’t have a chance, that she’s wasting her time and that she’ll only freak Erin out.

So, Holtzmann never asks, and Abby never says anything on her own; and neither does Patty, neither to her, nor to Erin; and so, Holtzmann silently pines for the physicist, unaware that Erin has very similar feelings.

They quietly pine for each other, neither of them saying a word; Erin finds herself distracted from her work quite often, staring at Holtzmann, but the engineer never notices, and Erin never notices when Holtzmann stares at her.

The only time they don’t get distracted by each other is during busts, because then, they have to focus on not getting hurt, or worse; and even then, Erin sometimes pauses to watch Holtzmann, fascinated by the grace with which the engineer moves, handling her proton weapons with ease, as if she’s been doing this for years and not just for a few months.

Erin herself isn’t bad in a fight either, not anymore, she’s learned a lot since that big battle at Times Square; despite her new found agility and some pretty badass moves she’s learned, she’s still a regular target for slime though, and she also ends up drenched in the stuff this time, groaning as the sticky green goo hits her.

For once not caring about what it might cause, Erin yanks off her gloves - she’s learned pretty quickly that leather gloves do not help with removing slime from her face, and neither do gloves made of cloth - and wipes the slime out of her eyes, so she can at least see what is happening… and so, she sees the ghost rush at Holtzmann just in time, and without thinking, she rushes forward and tackles the engineer to the ground, the ghost whooshing past as thanks to Erin, it misses its target.

She notices nothing of this though, because as her hands touch Holtzmann’s bare forearms, feelings flood her mind, so many of them, feelings of warmth and happiness and of love…

...and it breaks her heart, because she’s certain none of those are meant for her.


	3. Chapter 3

On the drive back to the firehouse, Erin is quiet, and sad, staring out the window in silence as the others talk about the bust, only letting out vague noises whenever one of them addresses her directly.

“Aw, poor Erin”, Abby shows sympathy, even though she’s gotten the reason for Erin’s dark mood completely wrong, as she demonstrates when she speaks on, “you got slimed again, you know, I’m starting to agree with you. This stuff does seem to be after you personally.”

At this, Erin manages a weak smile, not wanting Abby to realize that there’s another reason for why she’s sad - because she knows Abby will ask her, not in front of the others, but when it’s just the two of them, and she doesn’t want to tell her, doesn’t want to let her know that she touched Holtzmann and now knows that the engineer’s heart belongs to someone else.

Not even for a second, Erin thinks that these feelings might have been directed at her, she’s sure that Holtzmann would never feel this way for someone like her; Holtzmann is eccentric, and a genius, and interesting, and Erin knows that she is none of these things, the years of her life she’s spent lonely and without any real, close friends have taught her this lesson very, very well. 

From her seat in the back of Ecto-1, Erin can see Holtzmann’s profile, the engineer having taken the driver’s seat again, even though Patty swears that one day, she’ll kill them all in a horrible car crash; she’s driving quite recklessly again, but not as bad as several times before, and Erin has enough time to study her features as she takes them back to the firehouse.

All she wants is to cup the jawline she can see quite clearly, and press her lips to Holtzmann’s; she pushes that thought out of her mind quite forcefully though, tells herself not to be silly, that Holtzmann would probably laugh at her if she did that, and she does not need that level of humiliation.

And so, she forces herself to look away again, and stares out the window instead; and she doesn’t look back at the engineer until the car stops in the firehouse’s garage, and barely glances at her when she gets out of the vehicle and mumbles about having a shower.

She feels Abby looking at her as she walks to the stairs, so apparently, Abby has noticed  _ something _ ; luckily though, she doesn’t follow her, none of them does, and she’s glad, because her face starts to work as she walks up the stairs to the showers and has to go through Holtzmann’s lab to get there.

She thinks back to how often she has been sitting in this lab, and has watched the engineer work, and now she feels like a giant idiot, pining silently for someone who will never like her this way. 

Her eyes burn and her sight blurries as tears threaten to fall; somehow, Erin manages to hold them back though, until she’s in the shower and they can’t be seen anymore, mixing with the hot water as she washes off the slime. 

She’s good at crying without making noise, and so, no sound comes from her as she gets clean; and by the time the slime is gone, the tears have stopped, as well, and she even manages a small smile when she stands in front of the mirror and brushes her hair.

Erin wants to make sure that none of the others notice that something has upset her, and so, she takes a bit longer than usual to get ready after the shower; when she finally joins the others downstairs at the relaxing area though, she looks almost normal, dressed in clean clothes and with almost no sign left that she had been crying a short while ago. 

Abby gives her another look when she joins them and sits down on the couch next to Patty - in the past few weeks, she always has sat close to Holtzmann, and she doesn’t now, and Abby notices for sure, judging from how she is looking at her, but Holtzmann herself doesn’t seem to notice, busy talking about something she has noticed about her proton pack during the bust and how she wants to fix this flaw.

“Or maybe Erin fixed it”, she then says, grinning at Erin in a way which has made her heart skip mere hours ago, but only makes her feel sad again now, “when she tackled me to save me and I fell on it. Maybe that fixed something in there! Good job if it did Erin. And thanks for saving my bacon.”

She flashes another smile at Erin, and somehow, the physicist manages to smile back; she wonders if Abby can tell her that her smile isn’t fully genuine, if she can see it doesn’t reach her eyes, but if Abby does, she doesn’t say anything.

Abby just gives her another look, one both Holtzmann and Patty miss, and Erin pretends to miss it, too - she’s not ready to talk, not yet.

She’s not sure she ever will be, still feeling foolish and stupid, a feeling which only increases whenever she looks at Holtzmann… and she wonders how long it will take until these feelings will go away again.

* * *

Holtzmann can tell that something is wrong, but she’s unable to tell why, what has happened to make it so, and it’s hurting her and driving her crazy.

It has been a few days since the bust during which Erin has pushed her down to rescue her, and ever since then, something has changed; and even though Holtzmann doesn’t know why exactly something like this change how Erin is acting towards her, she’s been thinking about it long and hard, and just knows that this was the moment something did change.

Before the bust, Erin has been her friend, and at times, it even has seemed as if she’s been flirting back whenever she flirts with her; most of the times, Erin has blushed and giggled, but now, Erin doesn’t even smile anymore when Holtzmann says or does something flirty, only gives her a flat look before she goes back to whatever she has been doing. 

Holtzmann doesn’t know what she has done to cause this change in behaviour, and she doesn’t dare to simply ask Erin, too scared of the answer; she’s afraid that she has taken her flirting too far and has freaked Erin out, it wouldn’t be the first time that she freaks someone out, but the thought of having done this to Erin on accident makes her heart and stomach clench up.

Part of her considers asking Abby, figuring that Abby knows Erin well and that she will be able to tell her what is going on; and she wonders if she should ask Patty, because Patty is good with people, they all know this, and Patty might know something too, even though she hasn’t been working with them for that long.

Perhaps, asking them might help, and even though Holtzmann wants this odd tension between Erin and herself to end, she can’t bring herself to doing so, still too afraid of what she might be told; and so, the part of her which is scared of this outweighs the part which does want to know, and she says nothing.

She says nothing, just keeps asking herself what she has done wrong - and how she can make it better, a question to which she fears she won’t get a simple answer.


	4. Chapter 4

Another two days have passed since the bust which so oddly changed how Erin behaves towards Holtzmann when the Ghostbusters are called out to another one; their client this time is the owner of an old hotel, and they all think back to the Mercado on the way there.

“Let’s hope this hotel doesn’t have a piano the ghost can send at us, like Rowan did”, Holtzmann says, making both Abby and Patty grimace and nod; Erin just lets out a vaguely agreeing noise, not glancing away from the window, her gaze fixed on the city going by outside as Holtzmann drives them to the hotel.

This lack of reaction hurts the engineer more than she wants to admit, and more than she wants to let show, and so, she keeps her face carefully neutral as she focuses on the road again; the atmosphere feels tense and awkward again, and Abby and Patty notice this time, too, exchanging a look, but neither of them saying anything. 

At least, the drive to the hotel doesn’t take all too long, the awkwardness dissipating when they all get out of the car; the manager who has called them is already waiting on the sidewalk, wringing her hands as she watches the Ghostbusters get out of the vehicle, even though she does also appear a bit relieved when the four women strap on their proton packs. 

“I’m so glad you could make it so fast”, she says as they finish gearing up and approach her, “I’m Maria Hawn, I called you, thank you for coming so quick. This ghost has been driving us crazy ever since last night, we thought it would go away again, but it just seems to get worse!”

“Has there been any activity before last night?” Abby wants to know, frowning when the manager shakes her head; unless someone recently has died at the place, they all figure that the ghost should have made itself known before, and not just appear from one day to the other. 

“No, none”, the woman confirms verbally as well, not missing the look the Ghostbusters exchange at hearing this, “why? Is this unusual?”

“A bit”, Erin is the one to answer this time, for a moment forgetting her pain about what she felt from touching Holtzmann as she focuses on the job at hand, “usually, the hauntings have been going on for longer. Unless this is a straggler from the ghost apocalypse who found a new home here. Did anything happen here recently? Anything… tragic?”

“No” Maria said says, making the four women frown once more as this made little to no sense, “nothing. The only out of the ordinary thing which did happen was that we re-opened one of the rooms, it has been closed for renovation.”

“Closed how long”, Erin wants to know, exchanging another look with Abby, “and why has it been closed?”

“Oh I don’t know”, Maria replies with a shrug, not missing how Erin and Abby exchange yet another look at this, “my employer bought this hotel about a month ago and it was already closed back then. We were told by management that the renovations are done and that we can re-open the room, so we did.”

“I want to see this room”, Erin lets the woman know, and makes her shrug, clearly, Maria doesn’t think the room has any significance for what is happening, but she doesn’t deny the request, either, simply asking the women to follow her instead.

The room in question is up on the third floor, and looks ordinary at the first glance; Erin figures though that it isn’t, not if the haunting has started to shortly after the room has been reopened, glancing around as she steps inside, almost expecting the ghost to come rushing out at her. 

It doesn’t, but she does get a strange vibe from the room, and she’s not sure what to think of it - so far, all her life, her gift only has worked whenever she’s touched someone or something, but in this case, just  _ being here _ seems to be enough to set it off, not enough to give her any actual insight, but enough to… make her  _ tingle _ .

“Erin?” Abby says behind her, making her realize that she’s the only one of the Ghostbusters who knows about her gift, she hasn’t told Holtzmann or Patty, not yet - but now, Erin figures, they might find out, because something this room is so  _ strange _ , she just has to know where it is coming from, and there is only one way to find out.

She wonders for a moment how Patty and Holtzmann will react, then she shrugs it off and pulls off the gloves; she can feel their eyes on her back as she walks further into the room, but she doesn’t stop, doesn’t explain anything, just stops in the middle of the room and closes her eyes as she takes in a slow, controlled breath.

The feeling she’s had at the door is still there, this hint that something is here for her to discover, the odd sense of tingling; she can feel Abby step closer more than she actually sees her, but doesn’t turn to look at her, turning towards the bathroom instead, knowing she has on the right path when the odd tingling increases at once.

“What is going on”, she hears Holtzmann ask, and Abby reacts by shushing her, then tells the engineer to just let Erin do her thing; Holtzmann is a bit confused, but doesn’t say anything else, just watches how Erin enters the small bathroom. 

Erin takes another moment once she’s in there, she wants to make sure to get this right - she has an understand of how her gift works, but she never has consciously used it like this before, and she’s not quite sure what to expect.

Then, she reaches out with a surprisingly steady hand and places it on the edge of the bathtub, and there’s a flash of white and

she sees the woman the woman who is here now trapped trapped forever

sees her in the water floating in the red

there’s so much red everywhere so much of it and the woman is so pale so pale trapped pale and trapped and the red the red is everywhere the red is

_ “Erin!”  _ She feels someone grab her arm and yank her hand from the tub, and the connection is gone, but the pain isn’t, she can still feel it, and before she realizes it will happen, she bursts into tears, sobbing so violently that her whole body is shaking. 

“Erin, hey, Erin”, she hears again, belatedly realizing it’s Holtzmann who has grabbed her and is now holding her, “are you here with us? Come on, look at me, please?”

Erin turns her head to look at her, and sees the ghost appear out of nowhere, right behind the engineer, between the two of them and Abby and Patty, blocking the other two from coming to help; her eyes go wide, and even though she doesn’t have the time to say anything Holtzmann realizes something is happening, and turns to see, the ghost letting out a shriek as it slashes at her.

She hears Holtzmann yelp, and then she feels her pain because she’s touching her skin to skin again, she feels her pain and she feels something hot and sticky trickle over her hands, and Abby and Patty cry out while the ghost shrieks again and then rushes up and vanishes through the ceiling.

“...go after her”, Erin makes herself say, breathless from Holtzmann’s pain, “tell her you understand, tell her I know. Tell her I will make sure that who did this to her is punished. I’ll stay here with Holtz.”

Patty clearly has questions, but doesn’t ask them, she just nods; and after a moment, Abby nods, too, and they hurry off to find the ghost while Erin holds Holtzmann now, holds her close and gives her comfort, and hopes that things will turn out okay.


	5. Chapter 5

Even if touching Holtzmann wouldn’t have told her that the engineer was in pain, Erin thinks to herself that she would have known, just from how Holtzmann is breathing as she rests in Erin’s arms, short, somewhat harsh gasps which are almost painful to hear.

So far, Erin has avoided looking at the wound, but she can tell it’s not just a scratch, from the pain she feels from Holtzmann - and from the blood she can still feel trickle over her fingers, the trickle has slowed, but still hasn’t stopped fully. 

“You’ll be fine”, she says anyway, making sure to hold Holtzmann’s gaze with her own, she hasn’t looked at the wound yet and she doesn’t want Holtzmann to look, either, “Abby and Patty will catch that ghost, and once it’s safe, the ambulance men will show up and take you to the hospital and you’ll be fine.”

She has been planning to say more, figuring that she should keep talking, to keep Holtzmann distracted; before she can come up with something though, the emotions she gets from Holtzmann change, from just physical pain to a deep-seated regret, so strong that it makes Erin’s heart clench up. 

“What is it”, she says before she can stop herself, realizing too late that she hasn’t actually told Holtzmann about the extent of her gift yet, she’s seen it, but hasn’t been told what exactly it does, but she doesn’t allow herself to fall silent again, because suddenly she has to know, “what do you regret, Holtz?”

Holtzmann doesn’t question why Erin knows, maybe it’s the blood loss or the shock or a mix of both, Erin thinks to herself, she just answers, and thanks to her gift, Erin knows that she means it, that she is as honest as a person can be in this very moment, and she has to bite her lip to keep herself from starting to sob again.

“That I didn’t kiss you when I had the chance”, Holtzmann says, voice trembling with pain, “cause now, maybe, I won’t get another chance ever. I messed up and I don’t know why and now I’m hurt and…”

She lets out a shuddery breath and falls silent, squeezing her eyes shut for a few seconds as talking only has made the pain worse; and even though she knows she shouldn’t move Holtzmann too much, Erin pulls her even closer, and holds her, and tenderly kisses her forehead, and the wave of joy and warmth and  _ love _ she feels, so similar to what she had felt when she’s touched Holtzmann a few days ago, shows her that Holtzmann is still aware enough to have felt it.

“You did nothing wrong”, she tells the younger woman, still holding her close, for the first time in her life truly not bothered by the skin to skin contact, “it was all… me. I’ll explain when you’re better, alright? So now you have a reason to not talk like that, you’ll be fine. And once you are fine again… There’ll be that chance you mentioned. There’ll be many chances.”

Holtzmann smiles at that, then lets out another shuddery breath; her eyes slip close, but Erin can feel that she isn’t slipping away, and lets it happen, simply holds her close as she waits for Abby and Patty to get done and for the ambulance to arrive, telling herself over and over that Holtzmann will be okay as the seconds tick by.

* * *

Holtzmann looks oddly young on the white sheets of the hospital bed, and strangely vulnerable; but even though she is unconscious, and not sleeping, Erin knows she is not in pain, and resting peacefully, an impression she confirms every now and then by touching Holtzmann’s wrist with her bare hand.

Abby has noticed that she hasn’t put her gloves back on, and keeps touching Holtzmann, but she doesn’t say anything; it’s Patty who brings it up, and not as directly as she could have, unable to keep her curiousness out of her voice though when she breaks the not uncomfortable silence which has formed in the hospital room. 

“So, how did you know”, she asks, looking at Erin curiously, but without judgement or contempt, “about the girl’s ghost? We told her what you said we should, and she stopped at once. Which was awesome, but how did you know?”

“I’ll tell you”, Erin says, figuring that Patty deserves to know, both Patty and Holtzmann deserve to know, “when Holtzmann is awake. She should know, too.”

“Oh Hell no”, Patty protests at once, Erin a bit taken aback at this unexpected reaction, “who knows when Holtzy will be ready to hear this, and I ain’t waiting that long. No no no no no, Patty needs to know now.”

“Um”, is all Erin can let out, and Abby snickers at the stern look Patty gives her in response, forced to keep herself from outright laughing at what the historian says next.

“You can tell Holtzy when it’s just the two of you and you’re all lovey-dovey”, she says, rather matter-of-factly, “but I want to know now. Come on, spill.”

“...alright”, Erin agrees after a moment, figuring she might as well tell her now, “well… I guess you’ve noticed the gloves. Everyone does, even if most people are too polite to say something.”

Patty just nods, looking excited now at being told, and Erin wonders if this will change, if she will judge her after all once she does tell her; but now that she has started, she can’t stop, and so, she takes in a deep breath and goes on, finding it hard to look Patty in the eye as she talks.

“It’s… something I’ve had all my life, a gift, maybe”, she lets the other woman know, missing how Patty raises an eyebrow as she focuses on her hands now, looking somehow odd without the gloves covering them, “whenever I touch something… or someone… I feel things. I feel what they feel when it’s a person and when it’s an object… I feel its… past, I think, you know, big things in which it was… involved. That’s how I knew about the tub and… about what happened to her in there.”

“Oh wow”, Patty lets out, and Erin’s surprised to realize that she sounds impressed, almost awed, even, and not as if she thinks Erin is completely insane, and their eyes meet as now, she dares to look up again.

Patty does look as impressed as she sounded, and there’s no judgement in her gaze, and suddenly, it feels as if a great weight is lifted from Erin’s shoulders; now Abby knows, and Patty knows, and Holtzmann almost knows all of it, too, and they are still her friends, none of them call her insane or crazy, they just  _ believe _ her, and accept her.

Then Patty moves to hug her, and as Erin touches her skin, all she feels is awe and love and friendship, and she feels happy and content, for the first time in her life at ease with her gift and with the things it can show her.


	6. Chapter 6

When she wakes, Holtzmann doesn’t know where she is, and for a second, doesn’t remember what happened. 

Then, she feels the pain in her side, at her ribcage, and the memories come rushing back - the bust at the hotel, Erin’s strange and strong reaction to touching a perfectly ordinary tub, the ghost rushing at them and hurting her.

And after that, she remembers how Erin somehow just has  _ known _ that she regrets something, and that she has told her what exactly is causing this regret… and as if on cue, she hears a soft sound from her left, and slowly turns her head, pleasantly surprised and happy to see Erin next to her bed, slumped over in an uncomfortable looking hospital chair and fast asleep.

The position looks so uncomfortable and awkward that it makes Holtzmann grimace, and she reaches out with one hand, ignoring the twinge of pain from her side, and touches Erin’s arm; the physicist wakes at once, looking startled for a moment, then also realizing where she is, a smile curling her lips when her eyes meet Holtzmann’s and the fact that the engineer is awake registers.

“Hey”, Erin says, perhaps not the most eloquent thing to say, but in her defence, she has just woken up, even if her sleep hasn’t been very deep, “how are you? Do you remember what happened?”

“Yeah”, Holtzmann lets her know, and despite the dimmed light in the room, she can see Erin smile, “it hurts a bit, but not as bad as I thought it would. They must have given me some good stuff while I was out cold.”

“I guess so”, Erin agrees, “you got stitches, so they better. If it gets worse, let me know, then I’ll get the nurse.”

“Wait”, Holtzmann suddenly perks up, instead of agreeing to what Erin just has said, “isn’t it late at night? Um, not that I’m not happy you’re here, but…”

“The nurse did want me to leave when visiting hours ended”, Erin replies, the matter-of-fact tone of her voice making Holtzmann smirk a bit, “but I refused. There was a bit of a debate which I, as you can see, won.”

“And I’m happy you did”, Holtzmann reassures her, not wanting to make her feel like she has done something wrong, by now well aware of how self-conscious Erin can be; apparently though, she isn’t right now, as she just smiles and tells Holtzmann that she’s glad to hear that before she reaches out and grasps her hand.

Only a few moments later, Holtzmann realizes that she can feel the warmth of Erin’s skin and not the cool texture of a glove, and now Erin does look a bit sheepish as Holtzmann can’t stop herself from giving her hands a surprised look.

For the first time since the Ghostbusters have been formed, Erin isn’t wearing any gloves, and Holtzmann wonders what it means, now thinking back to how strangely Erin has reacted to the tub and to the strange things she knew back at the hotel, when she was holding her after she’d gotten hurt.

“Yes, no more gloves”, Erin says before Holtzmann has the chance to speak up, “um, for now. I guess you noticed that something… odd happened when I touched the tub back at the hotel. And when I touched you.”

“Yah”, Holtzmann agrees, curious now, and wondering how much Erin will actually tell her - she’s never mentioned the gloves so far, even though she’s been curious, and she does want to know, but she also doesn’t want to push Erin into revealing anything she might not be comfortable with. 

“This is a gift I have”, Erin lets her know, once again glad to see that there was no judgement or contempt in Holtzmann’s eyes as the engineer looked at her, just rapt interest and attention, “whenever I touch someone or something, I feel things. What the person feels in case it’s a human, any… big things which happened with or to the object.”

“Oh wow”, Holtzmann lets out, eyes wide, but not full of disbelief, Erin happily notes, “wow, oh my God, Erin, that is awesome! You’re like an X-Man.”

“Maybe so”, Erin replies with a small laugh, making the engineer grin, all her pain forgotten now, “but honestly, I haven’t used it much so far through my life. It’s been freaking me out a lot and… sometimes, it causes bad things. Like when I touched you during that bust a few days ago, felt… things and… got them completely wrong.”

“Well”, Holtzmann says, voice uncharacteristically soft now, “you know… wrongs can be righted. Not always, but… I think this one can be.”

Erin manages a small smile, still feeling bad about how distant she has been with Holtzmann the past few days, for reasons which were not Holtzmann’s fault at all; the engineer squeezes her hand and gives her a reassuring smile, and that makes her feel a bit better, and the wave of love and warmth she receives from Holtzmann at their continued touch only increases that feeling. 

“What I feel from you now”, she thus says, blushing at what she is about to admit, but not stopping herself, “this… warmth and… affection… Is what I felt back then too, at the bust. And… I was sure there was no way you’d feel any of these things for me, because I’m, well, me, so… I was miserable.”

“It’s all for you”, Holtzmann solemnly replies, so serious that Erin would have believed her at once even if she hadn’t been touching her and had felt that she’s fully honest, “all of it, just for you.”

Erin just looks at her for a few moments, these simple words having touched her deeply - and then, she allows herself to act without overthinking it for once, and leans in and presses her lips to Holtzmann’s.

It’s a bit of an awkward first kiss, with how Holtzmann has to turn her head to make it possible and Erin having to more or less loom over her; but still, it’s the best kiss Erin has ever had, and when Holtzmann kisses her back at once, she genuinely worries that her heart might burst out of her chest from sheer joy.

Fortunately, it does no such thing, but her hand is still touching Holtzmann’s, and now, her lips are too, and she feels the same joy and love she’s experiencing herself from Holtzmann, the feelings flooding her own and only making them better.

It’s the best kiss she’s ever had in her life, and she can’t remember a time when she’s been happier than she is right here, right now.


	7. Chapter 7

Holtzmann is allowed to leave the hospital three days later, and Erin is glad about it - she has gone home during those three days, but only to shower and change her clothes, even has slept in the hospital, refusing to leave Holtzmann’s side any longer than absolutely necessary.

Of course Erin is there when Holtzmann gets to leave, along with Abby and Patty; she’s wearing gloves again, Holtzmann notices as she walks outside with the physicist and they are holding hands, but then, she figures she can’t blame her, what with how Erin never knows which object might cause a strong reaction or when her hand might brush someone else’s skin, in a city as crowded as New York.

So, she doesn’t mention the gloves, and is just glad that she can hold Erin’s hand as they walk to the Ecto-1; there has been quite a bit of hand-holding the last three days, and even more kissing, and Holtzmann can’t get enough of kissing Erin, of being close to her, and she wonders if Erin can tell this whenever they kiss or touch skin to skin. 

She doesn’t ask though, knowing that, even though all Ghostbusters know about it now, Erin doesn’t like talking about this strange and amazing gift she has; but even though she doesn’t like talking about it, she’s told the others that she will use it on busts from now on if necessary, if using it means that they will manage to subdue and trap or perhaps even send the ghost on to a peaceful afterlife without the apparition putting up a fight.

Holtzmann worries a bit about this idea, having seen how strongly Erin has reacted the first time she has used her gift during a bust; it has made the job easier though, both Abby and Patty have confirmed, and she figures that, if this will help Erin be more at peace with this ability she has been given, it will be a good thing, even if it  might be dangerous.

And so, Holtzmann doesn’t try to talk her out of it, but simply lets her know that she’ll make sure Erin will be fine whenever she does use her gift during busts; they both remember how strongly Erin has reacted when she touched the bathtub, and the engineer’s promise makes Erin smile, as it’s just another sign for how much Holtzmann cares for her.

Even without her gift, she wouldn’t have had reason to doubt the engineer’s devotion to her, but the gift actually lets her feel it, whenever they touch or kiss; and it almost overwhelms her each time, this wave of warmth and love and care she feels, not in her wildest dreams she would have dared to imagine that someone might ever feel for her like this, not after the indifference she has felt so often in her life when she has touched people who’d been supposed to be close to her. 

There is none of this when she touches Holtzmann, only good and sweet and lovely things; and this makes Erin feel good and happy as well, happier than she’s ever been, and so, she can barely stop smiling whenever Holtzmann is around, even if they’re not touching or kissing.

She also finds it difficult to stop smiling now, a few weeks after Holtzmann has been released from the hospital, and they’re at Erin’s home, making out on the couch. 

The gloves are off now, and whenever her bare skin touches Holtzmann’s, Erin can feel the engineer’s arousal, added to her own; and so, after a while, she gets up without a word and takes Holtzmann by the hand, the engineer practically jumping up from the couch, both of them now finding it hard to stop smiling as Erin leads the way to her bedroom.

Erin feels a bit nervous, as she has never been this intimate with another woman before; there also haven’t been many men in her life, but no women at all, not like this, but whenever she touches Holtzmann, she feels nothing but positive things, and she wants to keep feeling this, and so, she keeps touching her.

Soon, she wants to touch more of the engineer, and it doesn’t take long until Holtzmann’s clothing is gone, her own following quickly; and as she feels more of Holtzmann’s skin against her own, she nearly gets overwhelmed again, her heart racing in her chest with all these good things she feels through the engineer. 

Erin has never been with a woman before, but perhaps, she thinks to herself, her gift allows her to cheat a little bit - because she knows at once if Holtzmann likes something she does, and makes use of this, figuring out with ease what Holtzmann enjoys thanks to her ability.

It doesn’t take long until Holtzmann groans and gasps and shudders at her touch, and Erin gasps with her; this is the first time she experiences something like this due to her gift, and it blows away, and as she collapses onto the pillow next to Holtzmann, they’re both breathing heavily and are sweating.

“Wow”, Holtzmann finally regains enough of her composure to speak, looking at the physicist with such adoration that Erin blushes, “that was… wow, Erin. That was incredible.”

“I, um, I might have cheated a bit”, Erin admits, her blush deepening, “with… you know, with my gift.”

“I’m not sure that counts as cheating”, Holtzmann ponders out loud, even rubbing her chin thoughtfully and making Erin smile, “I mean, it’s not like you can turn it off. Anyway! Time to return the favour.”

“Um, actually”, Erin says, her blush somehow deepening even further, until she’s sure her face must be crimson, “I… sorta… already did. With you. You know…?”

“Oh”, Holtzmann lets out, then seems to fully understand what Erin just has said, since a drawn-out “ooooh” follows; and then, she smirks, and props herself up on one elbow, and starts running her fingertips over Erin’s bare stomach, making her shudder.

“Well, you know”, she practically purrs, and Erin is not actually sure if the bolt of arousal she can feel go through her comes from Holtzmann, from herself or is a mix of both, “nobody ever said there can’t be a round two.”

For a few seconds, Erin just stares at her… and then, she pulls her down for a searing kiss, and Holtzmann’s hand slides down, too, and for quite a while, Erin can’t think of anything at all anymore.

* * *

Afterwards, there’s cuddling, and kissing, slow and gentle kisses now, not the heated, almost rough ones which have been exchanged when they’ve been intimate together; and Erin enjoys this as much as she has enjoyed their earlier activities, basking in the warmth and love Holtzmann makes her feel.

“This feels so good”, she sighs before she can overthink it and stop herself, knowing by now that Holtzmann won’t judge her, not for this and not for anything, “and not just… what we just did. All of it. Just… being with you.”

“It feels good for me, too”, Holtzmann reassures her, saying it out loud even though she’s aware Erin already knows, and somehow, this makes it even more real for her, “more than good even. Amazing. I’m so happy right now.”

“Me too”, Erin lets her know, barely above a whisper; and then, she kisses her gently, and touches her again, and they both are happy, and know that they will be happy together, no matter what the future might bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And done :) I hope you had as much fun reading this as I had writing it :D


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